One reason a lot of us find the concept of Taking so challenging is that when it’s unconsenting it results in someone being forced to allow. And we all know only too well how that feels…
Every day we are forced into allowing, without our full consent: enduring endless ads for things we don’t want wherever we go (even on our phones and in our homes); tolerating behaviour from strangers, colleagues and even friends, which doesn’t take into account our own needs.
Why are we so comfortable to allow?
Allowing is something we’ve learned since the day we were born. Our earliest experiences as a baby are ones of allowing our caregivers to make decisions about what happens to our body. They may have our own best interests at heart, but even if we cry or scream because we don’t like something they’re doing, our protest is often overridden. So we learn to put up and shut up.
In the Wheel Of Consent, Allowing is the aspect most of us feel most comfortable with as a default, even if it often doesn’t yield results that make us feel truly feel comfortable.
How far is too far?
And this is where many of us come unstuck. We’re so used to existing in a state of constant allowing that we no longer really have any idea where our limits are. We no longer know when to say: ‘this far, but no further’. Until it’s too late.
So how can we learn to change this pattern, and begin to be more conscious about what and how we allow?
It’s all about choice
Well, this partly depends on truly knowing, in your body, that you have a choice about what you allow – particularly in interaction with other people. Allowing is a form of giving, and what you’re giving is access to you.
Find out how you can work with me to learn more about it.
The Wheel Of Consent is based around 4 quadrants: Take, Allow, Serve, and Accept. Each creates a different experience of interaction with others and teaches you something different about yourself.
Learn more about the quadrants and the wheel: