How can the Wheel Of Consent help you?
Do you want better relationships, stronger boundaries, clearer communication skills? Would you like to improve your relationship with touch? The Wheel Of Consent offers a revolutionary, practical approach for navigating interactions with family, friends, partners, even work colleagues.
That's how someone described it after working with me. Here are some of the ways the Wheel Of Consent can help you change your life:
True consent is not simply about one person saying yes. Consent is the agreement between two or more people about what will or won’t happen.
And – just as importantly – the understanding of who it is for
There are lots of ways you can learn from me without us being in the same room...
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How do you navigate?
In any interaction – from the boardroom to the bedroom – it’s possible to experience giving and receiving in four very different ways. The Wheel Of Consent helps take these apart and get clear about what you really want from the exchange.
How often do you go along with something you don’t want?
We live in a world that forces us to endure lots of things without our full consent – hugs, adverts, behaviour from those around us which doesn’t take into account our own needs.
Most of us are so used to putting up and shutting up that we no longer know what our limits really are.
But when you know you have a genuine choice about what you allow then Allowing becomes a gift you can give freely: access to you, on your own terms.
Do you know what you want? (what you really, really want)
Would you be able to ask for the most amazing touch you could think of right now? Or would it be easier to settle for something ‘safe’, something simply ‘OK’?
It often feels awkward to accept a gift without any need to give something return. It can feel like we’re being selfish.
Yet learning to receive a truly no-strings gift can be immensely healing, and is probably one of the best ways to achieve a feeling of self-worth and self-acceptance.
Does ‘Taking’ feel like it's become a bit of a dirty word?
Taking often brings to mind invasive or aggressive behaviour. Getting something by whatever means necessary – which usually also means without consent.
Think of that person who steals a hug from you without checking whether you’re up for it.
But if you get agreement from the other person first, Taking can be a healthy thing - identifying, and looking after your own needs; nourishing yourself by listening to and responding to your desires.
Ever done something in order to get something in return?
We tend to think of Serving as ‘doing’ something ‘for’ someone else. But if you answered yes to the above question, you'll know we often do things for ourselves as much as for others!
If the other person doesn’t want what you’re offering you may feel rejected by them, or they may feel obligated.
When we learn to identify what we truly want for ourselves first, it then becomes possible to choose to set it aside for the benefit of another person – and genuinely start Serving.
Wheel Of Consent - the book
The #MeToo movement has exposed the pervasiveness of boundary violations in modern culture. The Wheel of Consent offers a deeply nuanced way to practice consent as an agreement that brings integrity, responsibility, and empowerment into human interaction, starting with touch and relationships.
In this definitive book, Betty Martin, creator of the Wheel Of Consent, guides you through its framework, and shares 'pleasure-forward' practices to help you recover the ability to notice what you want and set clear boundaries.
What people say about working with me:
"100% recommend everyone to do this, for improved relationships"
"A powerful, deep learning experience. I appreciate the gentleness of Michael’s approach"
"I feel I’ve gained a piercing insight into the complexities of relationships and agreements!"
"The Wheel of Consent transformed my approach to getting my needs met"