Pleasure in your self
Masturbation: the best worst kept secret in the world.
There’s probably not a person who hasn’t at least tried it, and most of us do it regularly. But when was the last time you had a conversation about it – beyond a bit of tittering titillation? When was the last time you shared with anyone how you turn yourself on, what you do, and why you do it?
How did you learn?
None of us have really been taught how to masturbate, and often what we are taught about masturbation is that it’s shameful and should be secret or invisible. From an early age many people develop masturbation habits based on speed, silence and restricted movement, in order to get as quickly as possible to the perceived goal of ejaculation or genital orgasm.
But in fact taking away the elements of breath, sound, and movement (not to mention using touch that often only focussed on the genitals) is a sure-fire way to take the body as far away as it can get from a natural and authentic experience of full-body pleasure.
And we learn through repetition – so if our erotic and intimate relationship with our own body is based on years of repeating something essentially ‘functional’ and disconnected, is it any wonder that so many of us then struggle to find real pleasure in our sexual interactions with a partner?
Practice makes perfect
However, the good news is: just as our neural pathways may have become stuck in patterns which don’t really provide us with authentic pleasure (or any pleasure at all), it’s equally possible to use conscious repetition to re-build how we experience sensation, and learn to respond to what is really being felt in our body rather than what our mind (or our media) tells us we should find arousing.
Mindful masturbation is a conscious practice – in a similar way to the practice of mindful meditation, or yoga – an opportunity to really spend time focusing on your body, without judgement, first and foremost. For many of us this is not something we’re used to. In order to do this effectively it helps to set aside dedicated time, space, and an intention for the session, and this is where having a coach to support you with in-depth techniques, practical advice and regular encouragement can make all the difference.
Listen to your body
Forget about what you ‘think you know’ about your body –either good or bad. This practice is a chance for you to explore beyond those boundaries, with curiosity and without judgement… to see what your body can tell you about yourself. There’s no right or wrong way to masturbate. Every body is different. So finding what works for YOU is the key.
Those I have coached have often found this practice to yield incredibly positive changes for themselves, surprisingly quickly. From people fed-up with experiencing numbness or lack of sensation in their genitals, to those struggling with porn and fantasy, to folk afraid to trust their own body in an intimate partner situation…and even someone who thought they would never achieve orgasm again, yet re-discovered it in only a few sessions of personal practice!
Work with me…
Pleasuring our own self has the potential to take us far beyond the kind of functional masturbation (limited by speed and secrecy) which most of us have become habituated to:
- “I do it to relieve tension, like scratching an itch”,
- “I know what I like and I like what I know”,
- “I find it hard to get aroused without porn or fantasy”
My ‘Pleasure-in The Self’ coaching pathway offers you the chance to spend the time, and take the care, to explore what your body truly finds pleasurable, and where that pleasure can take you. It’s the perfect opportunity to learn how to build a relationship with yourself – which can ultimately lead to a more nourishing intimacy with others.
- Intake and initial coaching session (up to 3 hrs)
- Online (email) support for up to 10 personal practice sessions
- First coaching session, after 5 personal practice sessions (1 hr)
- Second coaching session, after 5 personal practice sessions (1 hr)
An ongoing package of online support and coaching sessions can then be arranged beyond this as required.
This pathway can be coached in person or online
24 May, Forest Row, East Sussex. With Michael Dresser & Sarah Davies. What does consent look and feel like on a dancefloor? A 1-day exploration for those who love to dance and are interested in the dynamics that can arise when we dance in a group with people.
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