When was the last time you really sang your heart out, roared or screamed? Sound can be one of our primal ways of communicating – pleasure, pain, sadness, joy – when we aren’t able to find words. But we live in a culture which gives us few opportunities to really connect with our voice.
Controlling your voice
For most of us our voice has become inextricably entangled with control. Using it has become a regulated exercise in performing – quite literally for anyone who has taken singing lessons – but even when we speak, a lot of us choose our words based on what we think someone else wants to hear.
As a result many people end up feeling like they have no voice of their own – they have literally been silenced by teaching or by experience. How many times have you endured something you didn’t want but felt unable to voice this – through politeness or even fear?
If we find ourselves repeatedly restricted from safely expressing how we truly feel then sooner or later we’ll learn to stop listening to the messages our body is giving us – well, what’s the point in acknowledging such a need if we’re unable to communicate it! Sometimes it can feel easier just to disconnect altogether.
And all this is just in everyday life – we haven’t even reached the bedroom yet!
Many of us have also learned to restrict not only our personal voice, but also our erotic voice. But the sounds we make carry vibrations, and vibrations can literally alter and activate us on a cellular level – you only have to watch how rice grains move on a speaker to see how powerful and beautiful the effect of sound vibrations can be. Just imagine – the same thing could be possible in your body!
But no matter how much we learn to restrict our voices, our bodies still know instinctively how to use sound to heighten expression: think about the yelp you make when stepping under a cold shower, the sigh of pleasure that escapes when sinking into a hot bath, or even the groan caused by a twinge of pain.
The pleasure we get from sex can also release a similar involuntary audible response which can heighten the experience.
But most of us need to give our voices a little help in learning to feel free enough to let this happen.
Your voice is a muscle, and like any other it takes gentle regular practice to build it up. So if you’re someone who’s habitually silent between the sheets, don’t try to jump in at the deep end with ‘When Harry Met Sally’-style wild orgasmic yells, you’ll feel safer getting used to letting your voice have free rein in a non-erotic context first!
Want To Get Some Good Vibrations?
Here’s a simple Full Body Vocal Workout (perfect for the shower?) – try it every day for a few weeks and see how your body responds. Sounds good!
23 November – I’ll be speaking at this inspiring and connecting evening. 7 speakers with unique and cutting edge views on sexuality, relationships and love will share their ideas in pithy twelve minutetalks.
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