Michael Dresser

Wheel Of Consent

compass
joy-of-sox

The Joy of Socks?

A couple of weeks ago, while I was getting dressed one morning, I noticed something strange happen: I stood in front of my wardrobe, deciding what to wear… I felt instinctively that today was a day for my purple socks. But almost before I’d registered the thought, my mind had dismissed it as ‘too frivolous for a day of meetings’. I picked out a pair of sober navy ones instead, but then found myself having difficulties trying to reconcile them with the shirt I wanted to wear (yes, I do like to co-ordinate my outfits!).

While becoming increasingly indecisive about the whole ensemble I spotted the purple socks again, and remembered my initial impulse. So I followed it.

Trust your instincts

Who knows if my day of meetings turned out better or worse because of the socks I was wearing. What I do know is that giving myself something I wanted made me feel more valued, and trusting of my own instincts and abilities. It reminded me that I do know how to look out for my own needs – and that’s important when interacting with other people.

In a world where our needs can get over-ridden hundreds of times a day, most of us have become numb to the subtlety of our genuine desires. When we’re constantly being told what we ought to want, or what other people want us to want, it’s hard to know what we actually want!

It may seem trivial when we’re talking about socks, but magnify this up to how we want to be touched by a partner or or even a family member, and it’s not hard to see how being unable to value, trust, or even notice our own instincts could lead to some serious lack of consent (or at the very least going along with things we don’t really want)!

Start small – and practice lots

This stuff takes practice – and we need to start small. In order to have consent in the bedroom it helps to learn how to have it everywhere else first!

Luckily I’m offering lots of opportunities this autumn, in Scotland and London, to learn and practice these essential skills.

Check out my Events page for more details, and learn how it feels to get what you want (purple socks not included)!

Explore more:

decision or choice

Decision or Choice – what’s the difference?

Many of us might consider the words ‘decision’ and ‘choice’ to be ever-present, and almost interchangeable. Here’s why it’s essential to distinguish between them, and how you can do that.

Read More
learn to touch

Learning To Touch

A step-by-step guided touch practice that will change the way you feel in 6 simple sessions. Unlock your connection with sensation and choice without the need to touch anyone else.

Read More
man giving an apple

Giving & Receiving

Learn about 4 different kinds of giving and receiving. And the 2 essential questions that will help you understand which one you’re doing.

Read More

The quadrants

Each quadrant in the Wheel Of Consent creates a different experience and teaches you something different about yourself. Learn more about each one:

Serving
Taking
Allowing
Accepting

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